Life In General

Well, life has been pretty challenging lately. Full of obstacles that need to be overcome.

My grandma had two strokes within a two week period. She had been the main caretaker of Elijah when I went to work. So that threw us off our track for a good bit. It's so crazy. My brother is another story. It urks me to just even try to talk about it so I'm not going to touch that subject right now. It's too stressful. My mom is moving out to a place of her own; not by choice. Of course her story intertwines with my brother so I'll leave that along as well. I was having to cut out an hour of work to adjust the caring of Elijah. It's just so much. It's actually hurting my head right now to even think about everything. I haven't quite found the strength in prayer yet. I guess that's my fault. I haven't been doing all that I need to do. I haven't been praying, reading my scriptures or anything like that. Can't say that I blame all the obstacles being thrown at me, right? I'm not seeking His help and all I do is think of how hard everything is right now. (Sigh)

It's just so hard still to rely on it. I know that this is one of my struggles that I need to get over. I will really have to work on it.

?????

I've recently felt a loss of interest in a lot of stuff. I don't seem to have things in order in my life. I can't seem to get it in order, either. I don't know what it is. What's wrong with me? I feel like I'm burned out with everything. The kids are now home for the summer; Elijah's been getting into this "spoiled" attitude. I don't think I spoil him. I give him little spats if he isn't doing the right things. I don't know. I just felt like journaling this down. Our family is trying to get in order and; especially w/ finances. We are trying to move and it just seems like a dream that is miles away. I'm told it's up to me to make this dream a reality. Which it's true. I am the main factor in this subject.

To go to the spiritual side of it all; I can't seem to put my faith in Our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I see other people around me and think I've been trying very hard; but maybe it's not hard enough. Have I truly put forth my effort in it all? My husband always asks me, when I come to him for advice, have I prayed yet. Right now, it's just not the answer I want to get from him. I can't figure it out. I don't know what to do. I have so many struggles right now to deal with; I'm just overwhelmed by it all and just feel like giving up sometimes. I can't explain it like I want to so no one really can understand me; at least that's how I feel.

:-(