?????

I've recently felt a loss of interest in a lot of stuff. I don't seem to have things in order in my life. I can't seem to get it in order, either. I don't know what it is. What's wrong with me? I feel like I'm burned out with everything. The kids are now home for the summer; Elijah's been getting into this "spoiled" attitude. I don't think I spoil him. I give him little spats if he isn't doing the right things. I don't know. I just felt like journaling this down. Our family is trying to get in order and; especially w/ finances. We are trying to move and it just seems like a dream that is miles away. I'm told it's up to me to make this dream a reality. Which it's true. I am the main factor in this subject.

To go to the spiritual side of it all; I can't seem to put my faith in Our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I see other people around me and think I've been trying very hard; but maybe it's not hard enough. Have I truly put forth my effort in it all? My husband always asks me, when I come to him for advice, have I prayed yet. Right now, it's just not the answer I want to get from him. I can't figure it out. I don't know what to do. I have so many struggles right now to deal with; I'm just overwhelmed by it all and just feel like giving up sometimes. I can't explain it like I want to so no one really can understand me; at least that's how I feel.

:-(

Before the Church - Chapter 2

Where was I, Oh! Feeling sorry for Cesar and tagging along with him. I don't remember exactly what happened that day. I think we only stayed for sacrament. I'm really not sure. It was so long ago.

Well, after that I think I was more open to having the Missionaries teach us. The first time was at Simon's (my bro in-law) house. We had dinner when they had the Missionaries over that day. Afterwards, they gave us a little lesson regarding the Plan of Salvation. I really wish I remembered everything that went on. I was just looking back at my scrapbook/journal today and the first day I went to church was June 4th, 2006. Then the next evening was the first time we went to have dinner/lesson w/ the Missionaries. (I love these things!!! I try to keep it updated as much as possible).

Well, the next week, we had planned on going to church, but for some reason, our washer broke down on us. Cesar said he had a feeling that something was working against him because he had decided,(after being inactive for such a long time), to do the right thing and go back to church. Looking back and it seems like it was true.

Well, today is our Family Movie night so, I have to go. I have lots more info now that I found my scrapbook.

To be continued again....

The Road to Eternity

I've realized lately, with the help of my Bishop, that the level of spirituality I am on should not be compared to anyone else at all. The road that we travel on is one that has already been lined out for us. He already knows what decisions we'll make and what obstacle is going to make us rear off the road. I know I've always heard that being said, but you don't really know what it truly means until you're experiencing it. Funny thing actually, for me that is. "You're only where you need to be because that is where He needs you to be". That's what I found myself saying to my husband last night. Higher callings ask for higher spirituality and that is what is required of my husband right now. He was being prepared by Our Heavenly Father to be where he is now. I tell ya, the progression I saw was fast! It makes so much sense. LOL! It's kind of funny to think about because of the realization that I've come to.

Before the Church

I've always been a person who prayed to our Heavenly Father. Even as a little kid I did. My family was Buddhist but I don't really know much about it. I was only taught to do the things I was supposed to do. Now I wish I knew why we did some of the things we do.

But anyway, when Cesar and I got together, he was an inactive member of the church. So, life was good and I was able to do the things I wanted to. Simon, Cesar's bro, always wanted us together for dinner and talk about the church, which I was not interested, and I think Cesar knew I wasn't so he would always turn Simon down. I actually didn't know he had been doing that for a while until later on. Cesar would just tell him no because he knew it was something I really wasn't ready for.

So, I'm not sure how this happened, but Cesar decided one day he was going to go back to church. It was a Sunday. I was like, ok. He asked if I was going to go with him. I kind of just brushed it off and he said, "Well, I am going to go and really wish I didn't have to go alone". I was like, "great". Now I feel guilty because he's going to church and I'm not. So, I think I felt guilty enough to tag along. (The kids were not with us that day)

To Be Continued.........It's a long story.