Life In General

Well, life has been pretty challenging lately. Full of obstacles that need to be overcome.

My grandma had two strokes within a two week period. She had been the main caretaker of Elijah when I went to work. So that threw us off our track for a good bit. It's so crazy. My brother is another story. It urks me to just even try to talk about it so I'm not going to touch that subject right now. It's too stressful. My mom is moving out to a place of her own; not by choice. Of course her story intertwines with my brother so I'll leave that along as well. I was having to cut out an hour of work to adjust the caring of Elijah. It's just so much. It's actually hurting my head right now to even think about everything. I haven't quite found the strength in prayer yet. I guess that's my fault. I haven't been doing all that I need to do. I haven't been praying, reading my scriptures or anything like that. Can't say that I blame all the obstacles being thrown at me, right? I'm not seeking His help and all I do is think of how hard everything is right now. (Sigh)

It's just so hard still to rely on it. I know that this is one of my struggles that I need to get over. I will really have to work on it.

Doing Things God's Way

"When we sin and desire forgiveness, a broken heart and a contrite spirit mean to experience 'godly sorrow [that] worketh repentance' (2 Corinthians 7:10). This comes when our desire to be cleansed from sin is so consuming that our hearts ache with sorrow and we yearn to feel at peace with our Father in Heaven. Those who have a broken heart and a contrite spirit are willing to do anything and everything that God asks of them, without resistance or resentment. We cease doing things our way and learn to do them God's way instead. In such a condition of submissiveness, the Atonement can take effect and true repentance can occur. The penitent will then experience the sanctifying power of the Holy Ghost, which will fill them with peace of conscience and the joy of reconciliation with God. In a wondrous union of divine attributes, the same God who teaches us to walk with a broken heart invites us to rejoice and to be of good cheer."

Bruce D. Porter, "A Broken Heart and a Contrite Spirit," Ensign, Nov. 2007, 32

Temples

How beautiful is the San Diego temple? I saw one of the other pictures on my BIL's blog and clicked on it and saw this one. It's amazing how "heavenly" our temples look. I would love to be able to visit every temple we have. Wouldn't that be amazing? I still am trying to figure out all the feelings that occur by being in the temple. I need to take my three names that I have. My SIL told me that I need to hurry because they've been waiting for me to join and help them. I'm the only member in my family so for now, I am all they have to count on (until my kiddoes get older :-). I can imagine them just sitting there tapping their fingers or something. Lol. Ok, not funny but you know what I mean. I need to get to it.

Being Appreciative

Today at church was testimony/fast Sunday. It's so weird sometimes because it seems as if those testimonies are meant for me. I really felt the prompting to go up there and say something but everytime I was going to make an attempt to go someone else was already going. I know, no excuse.

Anyway, the "theme" was about being humble and appreciating what you have. I recently went to my SIL's house and she has this "humungo" ( I know, not a word...Lol), house. My whole life I've watched other people have huge houses that I would like my family to live in. Our goal as a family is to move out of this tiny house we're in by next summer. It's proving hard to do because of our bills and because of how much income we take home. Cesar has us on a strict budget which I am happy about because he can control spending better than I can. I've never been really good at budgeting. I am when there's a goal in mind. Like when we were going to Cancun, I saved up almost $500 worth of spending money. I ended up not using all of it and had a good amount left over. That was fun! But back to the subject, like one of the members said today, Heavenly Father doesn't love me less because I live in a tiny house. I have to keep reminding myself that we are lucky to have a house to live in that has an air conditioner, washer/dryer, stove to cook on, TV with cable to watch and a computer to use with the internet. We have all these little things that I forget to be greatful for. Besides, we have what we have because Heavenly Father knows what we can handle. I know that in the end, His will will be done. I have a lot to be greatful for in my life. While I covet material things I am forgetting about the eternal things that will be with me for eternity. It shouldn't matter what we have in life because if we don't have our families there really isn't much to live for. The gospel reminds us to not forget about Jesus Christ who gave up His life for us to be able to return to Heaven with our families back to our Heavenly Father. I am greatful for our church which provides us a chance to take the sacrament and repent of our wrongdoings for the week. Heavenly Father loves us so much that he gives us many chances because He knows we are just plain ole human beings. I try to live my life to the best I can following the gospel, but there are those little temptations that always get me. It's those little things that Satan uses to reel us in and I hate that I have those temptations. But I know that as long as I do try my best He'll bless us.

I leave this testimony to you in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen

2 - Year Anniversary

Well, today is mine and the boys' two year anniversary with the church. Boy, has it been a great change. I still need a lot of work on myself, but for the most part, I can say that since being in the church, our lives have been richer and plenty full of love. It has helped us learn how to discipline our kiddos and to "love before discipline" (famous words of my DH - darling husband).

But, I'm sure you guys are tired of hearing this from me, but I'll keep saying it all again and again. This church has changed our lives for the better. I truly cannot say where we'd be if we were not in the church. I see my oldest son, Nick, who has become pretty humble; which has surprised me amazingly. There have been instances where I would have to discipline him and would expect him to react angrily, but he doesn't. I am just amazed by how much he has grown up. Don't get me wrong, he still has his days where it seems like he may slip back in to bad habits; those are the days where you just have to make sure he doesn't. We're pretty good at catching hints. I guess we have to be so that we can remove the bumps in the roads for him. "Straight and narrow path" But, he's been the big change we've seen. The boys had scout camp for a week and he wanted to take my camera. I told him, what's going to happen if my camera breaks, he said he would put up his Nintendo DS Lite AND his Playstation PSP to buy me a new one. Well, guess what happend at the campout? My camera broke. And yes, he kept his word and has been true to it and not complained once. Yes, I finally sold it last week and will be buying a new camera hopefully.

Anyway, enough of this blabbing. Happy anniversary to us!

?????

I've recently felt a loss of interest in a lot of stuff. I don't seem to have things in order in my life. I can't seem to get it in order, either. I don't know what it is. What's wrong with me? I feel like I'm burned out with everything. The kids are now home for the summer; Elijah's been getting into this "spoiled" attitude. I don't think I spoil him. I give him little spats if he isn't doing the right things. I don't know. I just felt like journaling this down. Our family is trying to get in order and; especially w/ finances. We are trying to move and it just seems like a dream that is miles away. I'm told it's up to me to make this dream a reality. Which it's true. I am the main factor in this subject.

To go to the spiritual side of it all; I can't seem to put my faith in Our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I see other people around me and think I've been trying very hard; but maybe it's not hard enough. Have I truly put forth my effort in it all? My husband always asks me, when I come to him for advice, have I prayed yet. Right now, it's just not the answer I want to get from him. I can't figure it out. I don't know what to do. I have so many struggles right now to deal with; I'm just overwhelmed by it all and just feel like giving up sometimes. I can't explain it like I want to so no one really can understand me; at least that's how I feel.

:-(

Before the Church - Chapter 2

Where was I, Oh! Feeling sorry for Cesar and tagging along with him. I don't remember exactly what happened that day. I think we only stayed for sacrament. I'm really not sure. It was so long ago.

Well, after that I think I was more open to having the Missionaries teach us. The first time was at Simon's (my bro in-law) house. We had dinner when they had the Missionaries over that day. Afterwards, they gave us a little lesson regarding the Plan of Salvation. I really wish I remembered everything that went on. I was just looking back at my scrapbook/journal today and the first day I went to church was June 4th, 2006. Then the next evening was the first time we went to have dinner/lesson w/ the Missionaries. (I love these things!!! I try to keep it updated as much as possible).

Well, the next week, we had planned on going to church, but for some reason, our washer broke down on us. Cesar said he had a feeling that something was working against him because he had decided,(after being inactive for such a long time), to do the right thing and go back to church. Looking back and it seems like it was true.

Well, today is our Family Movie night so, I have to go. I have lots more info now that I found my scrapbook.

To be continued again....